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When you hit the bottom, when you're left with nothing, when you can't tell the difference - you still won't know what it's like! When you think you're damaged, when it's overwhelming, when you can't get past it - you still won't know what it's like! You haven't seen the ghosts that I've seen, you haven't lived enough to know what it means to feel the pain in love turned cold, to taste the end before it's over! When your heart is broken and you can trust no one, when you think you're lonely - you still won't know what it's like! When you feel like nothing; you just can't take it! When your heart is breaking - you still won't know what it's like! You don't know the person suffering, so before you start trading stocks for sympathies take a look at what's left of me!
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| 0016. |
[11 04 11] |
[Hexed Private to Dumbledore's Army]
I've attempted to reach Anthony and Terry and received no response. I think it's safest to assume that people aren't randomly being targeted and that we're being sought out. Someone who knew who was in the DA back in school is selling us out. There's no other explanation, as we've been too careful this time around and covered our tracks.
I highly recommend that those of you still living as citizens pack your things. We aren't going to be able to protect all of you and if you can avoid bringing down repercussions on your families then our safest bet is to get you to the camps as fast as possible. There's not enough time to argue about this, and I know that having you all in the communities and outside of them has many uses, but they're getting too desperate to trust that they won't hurt you. I know that Parvati and Dean are still alive, but that doesn't mean they'll be as gracious to everyone.
Some of you weren't in the DA when it was started in school, and I'd like to think that that means that you won't be targeted, but we also can't know that for sure. It's up to you to decide what you'll do, but I don't want anyone hurt. They know how to hurt us. They know how to hurt me. Maybe our time of having the luxury of living semi-normal lives and us having you in there to help us out is over.
We'll make arrangements to get you into the camps.
[/End Private]
[Hexed Private to Himself]
I can't let them stay in there. If this is going to turn into some sort of sacrifice then so be it. I won't let them rot while we try to finish this. If one of them dies I'll hold that on myself for the rest of my life.
We need to figure out what the last Horcrux is. We need to figure it out now.
[/End Private]
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| 0015. |
[10 06 11] |
[Hexed Private to Himself]
I'm always going to wonder if there was something I could have done. I agree with Hermione about the Death Eaters and Voldemort being smarter than to take people just to kill them, but at the same time you can never be completely sure. What if they dispose of Parvati and Dean, and then use Tonks for information? They'd know that she would have more of it to give. It's not as if we would ever know if any of them were harmed.
Either way, I know what everyone would say regardless. You can't save everyone.
As much as I want to get all of them out and back here safely, our biggest problem might not even be the loss of Order members. Voldemort wasn't even taking a single hit. I was throwing everything I had at him and he never so much as flinched. He wasn't even blocking anything. Clearly he's found some new source of magic to use. Now we're stuck with two puzzles to figure out. This new problem is going to have to be worked out while the Horcrux is sorted out though.
And the Horcrux... I've always felt like it was right under our noses. It feels like I shouldn't be thinking about anything else right now, but at the same time it's all I've been thinking about for weeks. I don't really care if people thought I didn't care about what happened at the battle because I was distracted by this, but at the same time I don't want anyone to think there's something wrong. I don't think I could seriously take any nagging right now about taking care of myself and not letting myself be vulnerable to Voldemort. Leaving the area any time any of that comes up is the only way to avoid it, though.
It's the best way to avoid the curious and concerned glances in my direction when my scar burns anyway. It's hard not to be irritable right now with Voldemort like he is and the connection. Sometimes I wish I could find the desire to try and cut him off completely, but I can't do that. No matter how many times Hermione nags about it. It's useful, and I can't help but feel like I'm going to need it in the future.
I think I'm starting to lose it just from talking to myself on this thing so much. It's easier to avoid Ron and Hermione with them living at home, but Ginny and Neville aren't quite as far.
I need some sleep and some time alone.
[/Hex]
[Hexed Private Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Neville & the rest of his Aurors]
I'm going to go out for a few hours to get some peace and quiet. I'll be back at camp tonight. I won't be far, and Hedwig or a Patronus will be able to find me should anything come up.
[/Hex]
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| 0014. |
[09 06 11] |
[Hexed Heavily Private to Self]
I'm starting to have trouble focusing on the tasks at hand. Getting through an average day around here is getting more and more difficult, especially knowing everything that some of the citizens and new renegades are going through. It was good to see that the rescue group made it back okay, especially Hermione and Ginny, but I couldn't bring myself to even go to the other camp to visit the newcomers. Seeing them will just remind me of how many people are suffering from all of this. I already know that. I don't need it shoved down my throat.
I'm feeling bitter. Maybe it's just the recent headache and the lack of food today. I should eat something.
added later
The lapses in conversation with everyone tonight was noticeable. It's like they could all carry on for hours and I'm out of topics within minutes. Ron and Hermione are so happy together. They deserve to be married without having to hide away to do it.
This has to end soon.
added later that night
We can't just keep guessing at where and what the Horcrux is. Horcrux? What if Dumbledore was even more wrong than we thought? What if there is more than one left? Grasping desperately at obscene things is getting us nowhere. The last thing we went for didn't even make sense. Desperate doesn't even begin to cover it.
I need to think, but it's becoming increasingly harder lately.
added around midnight
Would I have felt it if he'd created another one? Any flashes I've gotten into his mind... they just don't seem panicked. There has to be another one somewhere, but Dumbledore didn't seem to think there was. He always had ideas at least. He always seemed to know exactly what the steps were to reach the end goal. I feel like I'm blindfolded when I throw myself out there sometimes. I know some people call me reckless, but after all this time... I just wish I knew more. I wish Dumbledore had given me more clues. If he were here now then...
I'll probably be able to think better in the morning.
added around 2 am
Can't sleep, but I can't think straight either. I feel uneasy. Like something's going to happen. Even if I could fall asleep I don't think I'd want to.
Just can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something vital. I'm not seeing something and it's dangling in front of my nose.
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| 0013. |
[08 11 11] |
[Hexed Private to the Order of the Phoenix/DA/& Renegades]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GINNY!
Because we all know you're more awesome than I am.
Everyone make sure you wish her a happy birthday and pester her to no end. She'll be the flaming redhead in the tiara.
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| 0012. |
[07 06 11] |
[Hexed Private so only Dumbledore's Army can read]
Seems like the Ministry's recently been cracking down harder on the patrolling. I took a couple of the Aurors in my group near Hogsmeade last night to make sure that things seemed safe and clear around the Forbidden Forest and there were at least twice as many snatchers/patrol units in the village itself. I can only assume that it's the same situation in the other Wizarding communities, so I'm advising that we keep an have extra precaution upon traveling to and from DA meetings. If any of you in the other communities have noticed any changes please let me know. This sort of information can be vital to the Order & the Renegades.
As for the next meeting time, keep an eye on your coins. I have a couple of ideas for the next meeting and have a short list of things that we need to review. If anyone has lost their coin please contact either myself, Ron, or Hermione - preferably me since Hermione and Ron are neck deep in wedding details.
Other than that, how is everyone doing? Is there anything I can do to help?
[/End Private]
[Hexed Private to Ron and Hermione]
I'm starting to get frustrated and anxious. I know you're both busy with the wedding, but I feel like we need to put our heads together again soon about this Horcrux. We haven't gotten any further the past several times we've discussed it, but I really can't shake the feeling that it's right under our noses and we're just not seeing it.
I could use a few hours away from the camps too. Just to clear my head and really think. My scar's been acting up again, and I've been trying not to give into the temptation of letting myself connect with him but it's getting to the point where I'll take any clues I can possibly get. and I really don't want anyone at the camps to know or think there's something wrong at all. Ron, your Mum and Dad are already watchful as it is. If they think anything's up I'm afraid I'll be contained to a corner in my tent or something equally ridiculous. Really just don't want anyone else to worry about me, they've already got so much on their plates.
Anyway, think I could come by your place soon for a little while?
[/End Private]
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[06 26 11] |
TWO YEARS LATER.
KIELDER FOREST RENEGADE CAMP
June 27th, 2006
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| 0011. |
[04 05 11] |
[Hexed Private Against Death Eaters & Supporters]
I think I've been more MIA in the past month than I was when I was stuck in bed on three types of potions. I've finished redoing physical tests and all of that to rejoin the Aurors after being out for so long, and just when I think I'm going to rejoin Ron out in the field Mr. Podmore lets me in on his and Tonks' idea for what I could do instead. I'm going to be working with the new recruits and getting them ready for their eventual CD & ST tests, which despite the time crunch I don't think they'll be taking for at least several more months. I'm still getting briefed on what all has been done and how far they are into combat and criminal investigation training, but I'm excited regardless.
It feels good to be back at work.
[/End Private]
[Private to Ron Weasley]
I'm convinced they're partially doing this so that I can't run out into the fray again like with what happened at Mungo's, but it'll be nice to see Neville on a more regular basis and be able to work with the other recruits. Besides, it's like practice for the DA or something.
I don't really know what I'm rambling on about, I just don't want you to be mad at me for agreeing to do it. We haven't been able to work together for so long with the injury and before with me being with Percy most of the time. We could talk to Tonks and see if she'll let you in on the fun if you want?
[/End Private]
[Heavily Hexed Private to Dumbledore's Army]
Try and get to the meeting on time tomorrow. I know everyone's busy but we've had several people coming in almost 20 minutes late the past few meetings and we've got a lot to cover still. I understand if it's work, but do put in some effort. It's distracting for some people when others are walking in and interrupting what we're going over.
[/End Private]
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| 0010. |
[01 24 11] |
[Hexed Private to Friends - including anyone in the DA]
Unless you've been crazy enough to come to Ginny's and see me, I know that I haven't thanked you yet. I'm up and moving about more often now and have only just realized how much crap is sitting in her place that was sent to me after the attack. Those of you who did send anything, or came by to see me, or anything, just wanted to say thanks. You really didn't have to do any of that.
I realize that you all likely think I'm insane for what happened and what I did And really, I don't care but And to whoever sent the little stuffed animal that looks like Hedwig, I'm just going to tell you now that it's been shredded into tattered pieces. Hedwig didn't like the competition, and while Ginny did what she could to prevent it, there was no stopping that bird from finishing it off.
Anway, she's got me walking around a lot more and I'll admit that I've been more sore since we started that. Getting back into physical shape for work isn't going to be as easy as it originally sounded.
[/End Private]
[Hexed Private to Dumbledore's Army]
Hopefully I'll get the signal soon that I can apparate and get to DA meetings. I figure it's not work and I won't be put into any situation that's too extreme, so I should be able to manage at least those.
[/End Private]
[Hexed Private to Neville Longbottom]
I just heard you got into Auror training. Congratulations.
[/End Private]
[Hexed Private to Seamus Finnigan]
Thank you. I really wish that you hadn't ever seen me like that, but it was good to know that you were there through all of that. Ginny needed the help and the opportunity to sleep. I can't thank you enough.
[/End Private]
[Private to Cliff Warrington]
Thank you for everything.
[/End Private]
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| 0009. |
[12 20 10] |
backdated to Sunday afternoon // all written clearly in haste and sloppily
[Hexed Insanely Private to Dumbledore's Army]
I won't be able to make it to the meeting tonight. Ron and Hermione know what we're working on next, so talk to them if you have any questions. Can't focus with the ringing noise
[/Hexed Insanely Private to Dumbledore's Army]
[Hexed Private to Ron & Hermione]
I'm sorry to throw that on you, but I really can't do this tonight. I can barely lift my head up like this I was so caught up in that attack the other night that I didn't really think about the consequences. For obvious reasons Voldemort isn't happy. This is worse than I think I'm going to be sick
[/Hexed Private to Ron & Hermione]
[Hexed Private to Ron]
I know that tomorrow's your day off, but I really can't focus right now and it's just getting worse and I wondered if you could pick up my shift? I need to get some potions from
[/Hexed Private to Ron]
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| 0008. |
[11 24 10] |
[Hexed Private to Neville Longbottom]
Would you mind if I crashed at your place? I don't even mind sleeping in the bathtub at this point as long as I can steer clear of Ron and Hermione.
I'll ask Sturgis too, of course. Just don't want to get in your way since you're there more often.
[/Hexed Private to Neville]
[Hexed Private to Minister Weasley]
I wanted to apologize for the sour face last night. Had some issues when I was on break and am now apparently the enemy to all but you and select others. If I said anything I shouldn't have, I really didn't mean it. I don't think I did, but I don't mean to make your job harder than it is.
[/Hexed Private to Minister Weasley]
[Hexed Private to Dumbledore's Army]
Remember the meeting tonight. Bring any new recruits that you mentioned before if they're available.
[/Hexed Private to Dumbledore's Army]
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| 0007. |
[11 20 10] |
[Hexed Insanely Private to Dumbledore's Army]
If you lot still have your coins that Hermione made back in school, you should keep them with you. If anything happens like what happened on Halloween coming up it'll be the easiest way to get you lot there to help. We used them ourselves and they're still as functional as ever. Also keep an eye on them in case there are any changes to the usual Sunday/Wednesday meeting times.
Speaking of meetings, they've been going great so far and I really think we're ready to get some new recruits coming in. We're not particularly undercover anymore like we were in school, but I for one don't really want Voldemort catching word that there are groups like us out there in case he uses that to target any of you. Point is, be careful who you invite to come and work with us. If you have any reservations, ask around about them more or hold off on them for the time being.
If you do have someone in mind then it might also be a good idea to bring them up here. The rest of us might know something you don't. Either way, that's what we'll plan for Wednesdays meeting, is newbie night.
[/Hexed Insanely Private to Dumbledore's Army]
[Hexed Private to Self]
If my scar would stop burning I might actually accomplish what I was trying to do. Pathetic when you can't even clean your room.
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| 0006. |
[09 28 10] |
[Hexed Insanely Private to Dumbledore's Army]
All right. So for now I'm going to go for Sundays and Wednesdays and see how that goes. We'll probably stick to evenings since that seems like the time that most of you are available.
That being said, the first meeting will be tomorrow at 7 PM. Nothing huge, since I know it's a little short notice (and I would have aimed for Sunday, but everyone seems to be a little anxious to get these going. On that note I apologize for the lack of updates on what's going on and for not getting the first meeting going earlier, but I just got assigned to be a personal bodyguard for the Minister, and getting used to a completely different schedule and job wasn't something I was expecting to have to do.) but we'll be going over some of the basics that we'd gone over back in school just to see what everyone remembers.
We'll also discuss the possibility of expanding.
Like I said before, Viktor Krum has offered us a place to hold meetings. I'll include the address here and once you've been let in through the gate you'll have to walk to the HUGE house since no one's allowed to apparate straight onto the grounds. There's a possibility that this will be changed in the future, but for now work with what we have. Address here.
[/End Hex]
[Hexed Against Death Eaters & Supporters]
It's really a shame about Quidditch.
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| 0005. |
[09 06 10] |
[Heavily Hexed Private to Dumbledore's Army]
All right, we've got a place to hold meetings at. Sorry for the wait, I know all of you were really anxious to hear back after Neville asked who all was still interested in regrouping. Viktor Krum has offered to let us use a room in his house for our meetings, and he's also offered to help with teaching. He knows exactly what we're up against, since he was taught the Dark Arts at school. You can trust him with your lives, and please consider him a part of the DA now.
If everyone could let me know which two days of the week would work best for them, that would be really helpful. Obviously this isn't going to be as easy as in school where we all had evenings off for the most part, but we're going to try and work with everyone's schedules so that we can all attend as many meetings as possible. Some of you don't have set schedules, I know, but if there are certain days that you typically have off then mention them.
[/End Hex]
[Hexed Private to Tonks]
I'll do it. Do I need to work out a schedule with Megan or do you already have that worked out?
[/End Hex]
[Heavily Hexed Private to Minister Weasley]
Tonks has asked me to work as an escort/bodyguard of sorts for you? I've accepted, of course, so let me know if there's anything specific you need. I'm still finding out all of the details, but I'm guessing that my schedule will work with Megan's.
Good to be working with you again, sir.
[/End Hex]
[Heavily Hexed Private to Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley & Ginny Weasley]
I am officially security for the Minister of Magic. I wasn't thrilled about the idea in the first place, but Tonks pointed out that it would give me more time for the Order and the like. And I'm less likely to do something reckless because I won't have as much of a chance. She said that wasn't why, but I'm not really convinced.
[Hexed Against Death Eaters/Supporters]
I think I got around to everyone's flats that asked for help last time I updated. If there's anyone else just let me know. If I can't get there then I'll let someone from the LES or another Auror know.
I know I've still got to get over to your flat, Hannah, so I'll get that in this week. What times will you be at home?
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| 0004. |
[08 24 10] |
[Heavily Hexed Private to Neville Longbottom, Ron Weasley, & Hermione Granger]
Most of these people are defenseless, and if it stays like that then more and more people are going to die because of what others have done. I toyed with the idea before, but...
Even Lavender said that she hasn't practiced most of what we worked on in the DA as much as she should have since school. I think the reality of things has become a lot clearer to everyone.
[/End Hex]
[Heavily Hexed Private to Self]
This all could have ended years ago. It would be over right now if I hadn't missed a step. I don't even know what I'm looking for. Don't even know where to begin. Having Dumbledore around right now would be really good, but obviously that's not going to happen. We managed to find most of the others without him, so we'll have to do it again.
I feel like this is all my fault. Makes me sick just to read the Prophet. Was at the office all night after I left Ginny's trying to figure out what was going on. Felt like my head was about to split in half.
[/End Hex]
[Heavily Hexed Against Death Eaters & Supporters]
If anyone needs help putting up wards and other security measures on their flats let me know. It might take me awhile to get around to different flats this week, but I'll get there as soon as I can.
[/End Hex]
[Heavily Hexed to Ginny Weasley]
I'm sorry I had to run last night.
[/End Hex]
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| 0003. |
[08 14 10] |
[Heavily Hexed Private to Sturgis Podmore, Remus Lupin, Alastor Moody, Nymphadora Tonks, Arthur, Molly, Bill, & Charlie Weasley, Minerva McGonagall, Aberforth Dumbledore, & Rubeus Hagrid]
I've got two people interested in joining our ranks. I think that most of you have either taught or at least met both of them on some occasion or another. Seamus Finnigan is a Healer at St. Mungo's, and Neville Longbottom is a botanist. Both of them were in Dumbledore's Army back in school and I'd trust either of them with my life. They're both aware of the dangers that joining means and I honestly think that both of them would do anything to help us. It'd be good to have another Healer around, and Neville is great in battle - I'm positive most of you remember his parents. He was with me in the Department of Mysteries back in school.
I can provide more information if it's needed, and of course they can be looked into if there is any reason for you to be suspicious of them.
I've got a few more people in mind as well, but I figured I'd ask in groups.
[/End Hex]
[Private to Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, & Neville Longbottom]
I have a date with Ginny on Monday.
[/End Private]
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| 0002. |
[08 13 10] |
[Private to Seamus Finnigan]
I have something important to ask you. I know you're busy with work a lot of the time, but with the war sort of hanging over our heads I think this is sort of important. Would you be interested in doing something like Dumbledore's Army again but with a bit of a secret society feel to it?
[/Private to Seamus Finnigan]
[Private to Neville Longbottom]
Huge question for you. Would you want to get involved in something like the D.A. again?
[/Private to Neville Longbottom]
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| 0001. |
[07 24 10] |
[Hexed Against Death Eaters and Death Eater Supporters]
Today is not exactly the most brilliant day I've ever witnessed. I suppose that means it can't be the worst, though. That would be difficult to top Woke up in a crabby mood and can't seem to snap out of it. I'm sure this isn't going to help, either. Three hours of sleep and a bleeding headache certainly aren't lightening the mood any
I don't recommend anyone come over. Though me and Ron had a good laugh when I told myself to get off the rag
[Private To Close Friends]
I really am sorry if I say anything to you. I'm erm, well I just had a rough night at the office.
[Hexed Private To Self]
Welcome back burning sensation, thought you'd left my forehead and gone off to die somewhere for a minute there. Clearly I was wrong.
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